WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump tightened his grip on the American arts scene on Monday by naming himself principal ballerina of the Kennedy Center Ballet.
Announcing a purge of the company’s ballerinas, Trump declared on Truth Social, “I will soon be announcing a new roster of ballerinas, with an amazing principal ballerina, DONALD J. TRUMP.”
He said he was “disgusted” to discover that all of the company’s current ballerinas were women, a state of affairs that he blamed on DEI.
Trump’s takeover of the Kennedy Center has surprised millions of Americans, who previously thought that the worst thing that could happen to the Kennedy brand was JFK’s nephew strapping a dismembered whale’s head to his minivan.